I Regret Becoming A Mother
On Banning Women's Access to Medical Care and the Criminalization of Pregnant Persons: An In-Depth Conversation with Photographer Diana Karklin | By Kimberly J. Soenen September 1, 2022
As THE FINE PRINT publishes this morning, September 1, 2022, readers in the United States are ramping up to the midterm elections on Tuesday, November 8.
The recent United States Supreme Court ruling permitting states to ban women from accessing medical care, criminalize patients in need of medical care, and criminalize persons who assist pregnant persons with accessing medical care, is factoring in heavily to voter ballot preparation.
As a direct result of the SCOTUS ruling, the number of women registering to vote in the United States has surged across the United States. Girls and women around the world are watching.
During this midterm election year, all 435 seats in the House of Representatives and 35 of the 100 seats in the Senate will be contested. Thirty-nine state and territorial gubernatorial and numerous other state and local elections will also be contested. There are thirty attorney general seats on the ballot and thirty states are holding state supreme court elections. In total, 84 of the 344 seats on state supreme courts are up for election. This midterm election will also be the first election affected by redistricting that has further stripped Voting Rights from citizens.
Since the SCOTUS ruling, group rape of women by males continue to flood international headlines. Last week, protests in India erupted after the release of 11 men who had been incarcerated for group rape. Also last week, NFL (National Football League) Buffalo Bills athlete, Matt Araiza, was accused of participating in a group rape by males of a women who was under the age of 18 at the time of the alleged sex crime. Hundreds of women in Ukraine have now testified about being group raped by male Russian soldiers throughout the Russian invasion and 84 men were arrested in South Africa recently for the group rape by males of multiple women. 52 Haitian women were recently victims of a group rape by males in Cite Soleil. In Ireland, a woman who was raped by a group of men at Dublin Beach in 2016 is now receiving death threats after the men who raped her were convicted of the sex crime this month.
This ongoing violence led to a conversation about Sexual and Reproductive Health with photographer / author Diana Karklin.
Karklin has published a body of work with one of my favorite publishers about motherhood and sexual politics. Her work is compelling and timeless in its own right, but it is more relevant than ever in the context of ever-rising misogyny, divisiveness, judgment, violence and the dismantling of women’s rights globally under a tidal wave of authoritarian regimes and violently religious political parties.
Her book, “Undo Motherhood,” explores the reasons why a significant number of women around the world today regret becoming mothers and points a finger at the patriarchal institution of motherhood, which from a very young age pushes women to become mothers, promising the utmost fulfillment and happiness, and then abandons them, very often at the cost of their own lives.
The book was published by Schilt Publishing in Amsterdam and is now available everywhere for purchase. To read the full photo captions and learn more follow Karklin’s work at https://www.instagram.com/diana_karklin_/?hl=en
We began our conversation with her motivations for making the invisible inner worlds of women visible with her camera.
Soenen: Do you have children of your own and, if so, what has your experience been as a mother?
Karklin: Yes, I am a mother to a two-year-old boy, and I never regretted that decision. It was a thoughtful informed decision, thoroughly discussed with my partner, at the age when I was ready to sacrifice certain aspects of my previous life, like extensive traveling or spontaneity.
Although my husband and I have shared our parental duties equally from Day One, and I do find time and space for myself, it has been extremely hard anyway because of the Covid pandemic and the lack of family help (both our families live far away) which we did not foresee.
Soenen: How have you adjusted to that surprise and stress?
Karklin: Susan J. Douglas, in her book "The Mommy Myth," said something which I totally agree with regarding parenting. She said that the correct adult-to-child ratio in a household should be three-to-one. The moment my son's grandparents are around, we start breathing again. I didn't have to convince my partner of anything, for him it's totally natural to take care of his child the same way I do it myself. And, it's wonderful to see the incredibly strong loving relationship they have separately from me because of this commitment. So, I see parenting first and foremost as a teamwork and this is how I have experienced it so far. I would have never consented to be the primary caretaker and I don't think it's healthy for a child to be around one single person most of the time.
Soenen: The recent Roe vs. Wade ruling by the United States Supreme Court has shaken and angered people around the world. What was your response to this ruling and what is your feeling now?
Karklin: Of course, I was appalled by what happened in the United States. Without bodily autonomy, a person becomes a slave, and a forced pregnancy is a form of torture. Thankfully, I live in Europe, where in most countries we have progressive laws protecting women's autonomy and freedom. But the United States ruling affects us, too. The next day after the ruling was made public, old conservative guys from Pro-Life NGOs (Non-Governmental Organizations) organized a rally in the city where I live. I think they now feel inspired to repeat the same here. Their slogan was "Our lives are at stake.”
Can you imagine? Precisely those who have no idea what it means to be pregnant and who will never experience the risks of a pregnancy, are rallying against medical care access and health.
Soenen: What motivated you to take on this taboo subject?
Karklin: For a very long time, I was on the fence and could not decide whether I wanted to have a child or not. And at the same time, I was experiencing brutal pressure, especially from my family, to have a baby. But not only them, the same question was asked in my professional environment by people I hardly knew. This constant interference in my private life infuriated me because first, it is a very delicate and intimate decision connected to a lot of private issues and, I sincerely can't understand how people dare to ask these questions.
Secondly, this pressure makes any thoughtful decision hard. You cannot distinguish between your own voice and the societal expectations, and this is exactly the space where women can commit the worst mistake of their lives.
Something was telling me that if people (especially mothers) insisted so much on having children, perhaps things were not as sugar-coated as typically pictured in modern media, literature, art, and cinema. Honestly, for me, it almost felt as if the people asking that question were jealous of my freedom and were trying to reaffirm their own decisions.
I decided to investigate to understand better what was behind it. As I began my research, I very quickly discovered that there is a B Side to the story of motherhood which is rarely talked about. And as a photographer, I believe that only things represented in images truly start to exist in our collective imagination. Therefore, I decided to challenge the dominant narrative and shed light on the ultimate taboo surrounding motherhood: a decision that – just like any other major decision in life – may be regretted.
Soenen: What was your own pregnancy experience?
Karklin: As someone who had a miscarriage and was refused to be paid for genetic studies by the health system where I live — studies that I eventually paid for from my own pocket and which permitted to diagnose a genetic blood disorder that must be treated during pregnancy — I feel very strongly about it. My second pregnancy was high-risk. I literally could have died without this treatment. So, why wouldn't these guys dedicate their time to saving wanted pregnancies first?